What's In A Name?
by carinims01
Summary: After the Promised Day, Alphonse has his body back and is on the road to recovery. But the cost... was Al's memories of his brother. Post Brotherhood. Slight EdWin and AlMay. Rated K.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor its wonderful characters_

So this happened. I'm a slight masochist, and I love amnesia/memory loss stories. I'm also doing a rewatch of Brotherhood. I'd forgotten how much I loved that show. And how much I loved the characters. I'm kind of moving timelines around a bit. I'm saying that Marcoh healed Roy and Havoc right after the battle instead of a little while after. You'll probably find a few more things altered, but I assure you its intentional.

I might do another story that retells this, but from Ed's perspective. It depends on the response I get from this-whether you guys would like to see it.

Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

 **What's In A Name?**

* * *

 _The battle was fierce. Unlike anything we'd ever fought before. Punch, kick, block. Over and over again. Flesh against metal. Over and over again. I didn't feel it. I couldn't. But my body rang out with every blow. Echoed. Not for the first time, however, I was grateful for it. I would surely be dead by now if not for the near indestructibleness of the metal._

" _Alphonse? Al?"_

 _I blocked another blow to my would-be ribs, jumping backwards. I saw May's alchehestry to my left, the Colonel's fires to my right. I was fighting among friends._

 _I saw blue lightening in front of me. Alchemy. But it wasn't mine. Who's was it then?_

 _His eyes flashed like the sun, his hair was the color of straw._

 _He…_

" _Al? Al, wake up! Wake up!"_

The dream was gone almost as soon as I opened my eyes.

A young women stood over me, worry clouding her eyes. "Al, are you okay? Were you having a nightmare?"

I felt her hand on my arm. After so long without human touch, hers was more than welcome. The frown that had marred my face perked up into a small smile. "I… I don't remember. I'm fine, Winry. Thank you."

She squeezed my hand, but nodded. "Okay. Are you hungry? I brought you some food from the mess hall."

I cheered, a sound which brought a full smile to her face. "Starving!"

"Good," she said. She brought the tray over and placed it on my lap, hovering over me like a mother hen. "I brought you some light stew. It's still mostly broth. The doctor says it'll be at least another week until you can have more solids."

"Wonderful! Thank you, Winry!" I dug in, relishing the taste of it on my tongue. It'd been too long since I'd had stew. It was amazing. What genius could have possibly created it? All these different flavors and textures brought together to create…

I looked up from the bowl to see Winry watching me with a gentle smile. That had happened several times recently: whenever I ate something, or felt something new on my fingertips, or when I was sleeping. All of the things I missed when I had a metal body.

It was as if she'd missed me doing these simple things as much as I did. Winry had been there since the beginning. Right when I got my metal body, she'd been there comforting me. She stayed up with me during the long hours of the night after I discovered that my new body wouldn't let me sleep. She had lamented with me when I discovered that I was never hungry, never thirsty. Even tried to fast, crying that if I couldn't eat, it wasn't fair for her to either. The big sister I'd never had. She'd always been there for me. Always found ways to cheer me up.

Her gaze shifted to the door, and I followed her eyes. The boy was standing there. The blonde one with golden eyes and a kind face. Edward. He was looking at me with wonder, his mouth forming a small 'o' as he watched me eat. Our eyes met and Edward seemed to break out of whatever stupor he'd been in. Embarrassment colored his cheeks; he frowned before he turned and walked away.

I looked back to my friend. "Winry?"

Her eyes were sad, and she seemed fixated on her hands. That kept happening, too. Whenever he came. She would smile and talk with me, but then _he_ would come and the laughter leave her eyes.

 _They thought I was sleeping. I nearly had been until their soft voice brought me out of it. They sat next to my bed. Watching over me as I rested._

 _"How are you doing?"_

 _"I'm… fine. I'm… I'm just glad he's okay."_

 _"Me too." A pause. "Ed…"_

 _"It's okay, Winry. I set out to restore Al's body, and that's what I've done. Truth said there would be a price and… And… It doesn't matter what it cost me. Now he can eat and sleep and pet those stupid cats he keeps collecting."_

 _I heard him shift and cracked my eye open. Edward's right arm was still in a white sling, his left was reaching out towards me. Just before he would have touched my hair, he paused. Pulled back. Frowned. There were tears in his voice, though he refused to cry._

 _Why? Who_ was _he? Why would he be crying?_

 _"That's all I've ever wanted for him." He stood. "I'm sorry, Winry. I'll be back later."_

"You've got to focus." May sat cross legged on the other end of my oversized hospital bed. Shoa May sat contently on her shoulder, watching me. The princess' hair was down from its usual braids ad framed her dark eyes beautifully.

Beautiful? When had I started thinking of her like that?

"Close your eyes and clear your mind. Focus on the Dragon's Pulse."

I did so. Sitting up as straight as my atrophied body would allow. "What am I looking for, May?"

Her voice was soft. Patient. Unlike when she'd tried to teach me in the mountains a few months ago. I couldn't help but grin at that. It was stupid of us to try then, when I didn't have a body to be one with the Dragon's Pulse with. She thought that, now that I had one, it would come easier. And what time I didn't devote to sleeping, eating, mild exercise, and reading, I devoted to learning. I loved learning.

"I can't explain it. You'll know it when you feel it."

I let out a breath and focus on myself, as she'd taught me. I took stock of my own body. First, my heartbeat, then, branching out to every fiber of my being. I knew my strengths, my weaknesses, my being… And then… I reached out further.

It was like jumping over a deep ravine, but at the same time, it was like taking a small step on flat land. It was all. And I was one. It was warm and cold. Dark and light. Big and small. I gasped and opened my eyes.

And it was gone.

"I did it!" I shouted.

May beamed. It only made her look more lovely.

 _The wheelchair was only slightly uncomfortable. My legs were going to fall asleep, I was sure of it. But that was okay. I wanted to see my friends, and if having Winry push me around in a wheelchair was all it cost, that was okay._

 _"Hey, small fry!" Havoc greeted me. An unlit cigarette was in his hand. A cup of black coffee was in his other. I'd come to associate both scents with him._

 _I grinned. "Hey, Havoc!" The rest of the team was there, too. Even Riza. It was so good to see them all through my own eyes. It was odd, however, to look_ up _to them all. I was so used to towering over them._

 _"I'll go grab you something to eat, Al," Winry began. "What would you like?"_

 _"Apple pie?"_

 _The young engineer snorted. "Sure, Al."_

 _"How are you faring, Alphonse?" Riza asked, smirking._

 _"Very well, thanks. What about you guys?" I looked down the table and saw Fuery, Falman, and Breda. But…. "Where's the Colonel?"_

 _Their eyes all turned to another table on the other side of the room. I followed their gaze and found Mustang talking to that Edward boy. His face looked dark and serious, he mouth moved with silent speech. The young man… I couldn't see his eyes. His bangs fell over them. But I could see the way he clenched his jaw; the way his shoulders shook slightly. His left hand was tightly fisted._

 _He looked like he was in pain._

 _My brow furrowed, I chewed my bottom lip. Why did seeing him like that evoke such longing within me? I felt the need to help him, but how? I barely knew him._

 _Winry set a small plate in front of me before she took a seat next to me. "Here you go, Al." She put her hand on my slim shoulder. "Al?"_

 _I was brought abruptly back into the present, my thoughts of Edward immediately gone from my mind. I noticed the rest of the team watching me. They were worried about me, but I didn't exactly understand why. I'd ask Winry about it later._

My eighth day in the hospital was when I noticed the raindrops falling on the window. I could barely hold back my excitement. Winry was out with May doing some shopping, so I didn't have to worry about her hitting me with her spanner for being stupid.

Carefully, I got out of bed. I grabbed the cane next to the bed and leaned heavily on it as I made my way out of the room and down the corridor. It wasn't a far journey outside, after all. Just a few yards down the hallway, a trip down the elevator, and a few more yards to the outside world.

I was in luck. I didn't run into any doctors or nurses the entire way.

Goosebumps crawled across my skin as I pushed open the main door. It smelt… It felt… There weren't words to properly describe the emotions I was feeling. It was too overwhelming. And it was wonderful.

I could hear the rain pattering gently on the cement, and suddenly I craved it. The feeling of the rain on my skin. It was something I'd missed too much. I slowly made my way to the columns that lined the cement ceiling.

I could feel the chill in the air. I… could feel the backsplash of the raindrops breaking on the ground. The joy I felt made me laugh out loud. I hesitantly reached out… And I felt the rain on my skin. After so, so many years. It was cold. It was a cold rain that fell lightly on my hands, then my arms, then my face. Oh, it was wonderful. It ran down my skin, soaked my hair, pooled at my feet. I closed my eyes and just… felt it.

I remembered why I missed this so much.

I didn't restrain the joyous little chuckle that escaped me.

"Alphonse?"

I blinked my eyes open and saw Edward standing at the bottom of the staircase. There was a small frown on his face, but his eyes were filled with understanding. He knew exactly what I was doing outside, why I was standing stupidly in the cold rain. His voice held nothing but compassion.

"You shouldn't be outside yet. You'll catch a cold."

Edward hopped up the dozen or so stairs between us and paused when he was a few steps away. It was then that I noticed the dark circles underneath his eyes; how pale he was. Gently, he put his hand on my arm. His hands were cold, like the rain. His coat was soaked through. I wonder how long he'd been outside. Had he been watching me the whole time? Something warm blossomed inside my chest, but I didn't have a proper name for it. It wasn't anger, but… maybe affection? Endearment?

"Let's get you inside, Al."

 _"Al? You… you really don't remember?" Winry looked so scared, so confused._

 _I was too. I didn't understand the situation any more than they did. I didn't understand the young man who'd just walked out of the room with tears in his eyes. I didn't understand the pain in Winry's voice as she spoke with him, and about him. I didn't understand the things they told me about my childhood: how he'd always been here, how he'd helped me, how we were related._

 _"No. I'm sorry, I don't."_

"Not too short, Winry," I giggled. A week had passed. I grew stronger every day. I could mostly get around with just a cane now. And Winry had finally decided it was time to cut my hair.

She simpered. "Alright. You still want it short, right? Like when we were kids?"

"Yeah, exactly." I ran my hand through my hair. It was so long. Rough. "Though maybe have the bangs a little longer."

The young woman ran a brush through my hair before gathering it at the back and tying it in a band. I looked like my father. She cut it all off, the band and all, and kept cutting it shorter. It felt so much lighter already. She took several more minutes evening everything out and then brushing off neck. Winry came round and fussed with my bangs before smiling broadly.

"There you go, Al."

I looked at myself in the mirror. It still shocked me to have hair again. And now, I looked more like my old self. It looked wonderful. It felt wonderful. "It's perfect! Thank you!"

"Hey, looking good, Alphonse!" Roy sauntered into the room, one hand stuck in his pocket. Riza followed shortly behind him. Edward was behind her. "Just thought I'd drop in and say hello."

"Hey, Colonel," I grinned. "Winry did amazing, didn't she? Hi, Hawkeye. Hi, Edward."

Riza smiled and Edward… he nodded, but there was something off. Was that guilt in his eyes?

"Granny taught me everything I know," Winry said, bushing. "I'm glad you like it."

They talked amongst each other, but I found my eyes drifting to the young man standing, slightly hidden, behind Riza. He was looking at the ground, hands shoved in his pockets. The sling was gone. I was glad for it. It meant he was healing. He'd already been hurt to much.

But how could I know that?

 _I licked my lips. My mouth felt so dry. My head hurt. I groaned._

 _"Alphonse?"_

 _I felt a hand on my arm, then on my head, then on the side of my face. It was warm. So warm._

 _A sudden thrill rushed through me as I realized that I_ could _feel. I had a body! I could feel!_

 _"Alphonse?! Al! He's waking up! Winry! He's waking up!" The hand left; I heard someone running. Then the voice again. The noise made my head hurt. "Doctor! Doctor! He's waking up!"_

 _"Al?" Winry was next to me. Her hand was on my arm._

 _I tried opening my eyes. It was so hard. My eyelids felt so heavy. But I wanted to see her. Winry was one of my best friends. It took several seconds, but finally, her face came into view. Looking at her from my soulfire eyes didn't do her justice. Her bright eyes sparkled with joyful tears._

 _"Hey, Winry," I tried. My own voice sounded foreign to me. It cracked and broke, and… It didn't echo. My grin grew even broader at that fact alone. I loved it. "What's up?"_

 _She threw her arms around my neck, tears streaming down her face. "Oh, Al. I've missed you so much."_

 _I breathed in her scent and wrapped my arms around her. I never realized she had one when I was a kid. She smelt like home. "I've missed you, too, Winry," I laughed._

 _"How're you feeling, Al?"_

 _His voice was soft, kind. Winry pulled back, and I got a good first look at the boy who'd been watching over me. Golden hair and eyes. A lot like mine. There was a rush of familiarity, but then… Then it was gone._

 _"I'm feeling good," I said, truthfully. I was still thrilled that I could simply feel. "Thanks for asking. I'm sorry… What's your name?"_

"Alphonse?"

Roy's voice snapped me out of it, and I blinked, startled. Edward was watching me with curious eyes the same way I'd been watching him. His brows were drawn together in a sort of question. I rubbed my eyes, and when I opened them, he was looking at his boots again.

I turned back to the colonel. But I couldn't banish the sudden gaping hole in my chest. "Sorry, Colonel. Just tired. What were you saying?"

Roy looked between Edward and me, his lips set in a hard line. "The Lieutenant and I will be leaving tomorrow morning to head to East City. I need to clear up some business there. Havoc and Breda are staying here. They'll know where to reach us if need be."

"Yes, sir. Thanks for letting me know."

He nodded. "I'm taking Fullmetal with me."

"Oh." I couldn't explain the sudden pain in heart. The weight. "Okay."

"We should be back in a few weeks. I'll let you get some rest. Feel better, kid, okay?"

I forced a small smile. "Thanks, Colonel. I'll see you guys soon. Have a safe trip."

Roy walked towards me and set his hand on my shoulder. He gave it a light squeeze. "Call me if you need me, Alphonse. I'll be there."

"Thank you."

He nodded and his coat flapped behind him as he walked away. Riza gave me one last smile before she followed. There was something sad in her gaze. And she wasn't usually so tight lipped. Edward pushed himself off the wall and readied himself to follow the lieutenant.

"Ed." His name passed my lips before I could stop it. It felt so right saying it. What was wrong with me?

More surprising, though, was his reaction. He looked startled. As though I'd just woken him from a deep dream. His eyes were wide with surprise and… hope?

I'd only interacted with the boy a few times since I'd woken up in my own body. So why… Why did it hurt to see him leaving so soon? I barely knew him. Right?

"I…" My chest hurt again. Was I getting sick? What was this? I shouldn't have been outside so long with the rain. Ed had been right. I took a deep breath, steadied myself. When had my hand started shaking? "…have a safe trip."

He visibly deflated. Something worse than hurt clouded his eyes. "Thanks, Al. I… I hope you feel better soon."

"Thanks."

Then he left.

"Get some rest, Alphonse," Winry said softly. Her smile didn't reach her eyes, and she wouldn't look at me. Her eyes were fixed on the door. On him. "I'll be back soon."

Then she left too.

That was okay. I wanted to be alone. The pain in my chest hurt too much. Warm tears pressed against the backs of my eyes. Several of them leaked out and slid down my cheeks. I laid back down and pressed my face into my pillow. What was this? Why? _I don't understand! What was this?_

 _I stood before the Gate. Truth stood several paces behind me. The door was immaculately detailed, with Xerxian markings and lettering carved into the tree that flowered over it. It was beautiful. And it was terrible._

 _My body felt so weak. After years of not having a proper being, I could hardly stand._

 _"You can leave," Truth said. "You can go home."_

 _"I can't. I'm waiting. I need to wait for him."_

Who was I waiting for? Who was 'him'?

My head hurt so bad.

More tears slid down my face.

 _He was screaming. I would never be rid of that sound._

 _Winry said the surgery would be painful. Granny had wanted me to go to town, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave him._

 _I wanted to be there with him. I couldn't be. It wasn't safe._

 _This was my fault. My fault._

 _He didn't stop screaming for a long time._

More tears. More pain. It hurt to breathe. What was this? _What was this?_

 _"Alphonse! Al!"_

 _I could hear him screaming my name as I was pulled through the Gate. I could hear the pain in his voice. The agony._

 _"Alphonse, no!"_

 _We were so stupid. We were stupid little kids. Stupid. We just wanted to see her smile again._

 _"Ed! Edward!"_

Edward.

 _Edward…_

 _"Edward!"_

I was too overwhelmed. Too tired. My brain shut down, and I faded into blessed sleep.

 _"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."_

 _"That's a soul, really. Take out the myth, it's just the spark of life. Our blood… that's from her blood. That's a fair trade."_

 _"I'm still growing, you backwater desert idiots!"_

 _"Even when our eyes are closed, there's a whole world out there that lives outside ourselves and our dreams."_

 _His voice rang out in my head. Kind. Soft. Then angry. Upset. Tearful. I knew every pitch. Every timbre. As well as I knew my own._

 _"Stop jerking me around!"_

 _"The next time I make you cry, they'll be tears of joy!"_

I jerked awake. His voice was still ringing in my head. It hurt. And my eyes stung from crying. I didn't… I still didn't understand. His voice was in my head… but why. Why did I have these memories?

 _Memories?_

Is that what they were?

But I didn't remember any of them. I couldn't recall where we were, what we were doing, why we were there…

I remembered trying to bring my mother back, but I was alone. Wasn't I?

No… No, I wasn't.

And… Wait…

I never went through automail surgery. I wouldn't need it in a full suit of armor.

I didn't… no one ever tried calling me short. I was seven feet tall.

There was a knock on my door, and the hinges squeaked as it was slowly pushed open. "Alphonse? Hey, are you awake?"

My breath hitched. Oh, his voice. I missed his voice. It was so comforting. So wonderful. And now it didn't reverberate around my head. It was deep and kind and loving. Why would I miss his voice if I barely knew him?

"Br-Edward?"

He didn't seem to notice my slip of tongue. Why did I feel the need to touch him? To hug him? Why did I miss him so much? His hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, though I thought he might have once worn it in a braid. The red coat he wore was achingly familiar.

"I'm heading out, but…" He took a few steps forward, until he was only a few steps from me. "I wanted to give you this before I left. It's yours."

It was a black notebook. Small, but it had clearly been used. The pages were yellowed with age and abuse. I reached for it. The leather felt soft beneath my fingers. I undid the binding and read the first few lines.

 _Granny's stew_

 _Gracia's quiche_

 _Winry's apple pie_

I gasped. My list. It was my list. My list of foods. My list of experiences I wanted to have when I got my body back.

 _Feel the rain on my skin_

 _Feel a kitten's fur_

 _Hug Brother_

Brother.

 _"There's no such things as a painless lesson, they just don't exist."_

 _"All is one and one is all."_

 _"Don't call me small! I'll break down your feet and stick 'em onto your head!"_

 _"No… We cracked the code… Philosopher's Stones…. Are made from human sacrifices."_

 _"You shut up! People don't come back from the dead, Rose. Not ever… not ever."_

 _"This pain's nothing… compared to what he's given up…"_

 _"What was that? You little brat! Say it again! I'll hit you so hard, I'll send you to outer space!"_

 _"I'll get you your body back, Al. I promise."_

 _"Let's go kick that Truth guy on his butt, Al!"_

 _"Hang in there, little brother."_

 _"What do you mean 'lower myself'? That's the only thing I've ever been. Just a simple human that couldn't even save a little girl. Not even with alchemy."_

 _"Who even needs alchemy? When I've got them!"_

 _"Run, Alphonse! Run!"_

"Alphonse?! Al! Snap out of it!"

I blinked. There were tears streaming down my face. My quivering hand was pressed against my chest. It hurt to breath. I felt his hands on my shoulders. Ed's hands.

My brother's hands.

His eyes were filled with panic. And even moreso when I flung myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck.

 _"Brother!"_

He was so tense. It took several seconds for him to relax. Slowly, his arms came around me, too, and I hugged him tighter.

"A-Alphonse? Is that…? D-Do you…?" He spoke so hesitantly, so scared that I didn't… He was tense, and it took several seconds for him to relax. Slowly, his arms came around me, too, and I hugged him tighter.

"I remember," I cried, burying my face into his neck. I'd missed his smell. Finally, after years and years without being able to smell anything, his was by far the most comforting. How could I have forgotten all this? "I remember. I remember. I'm sorry, Brother. I'm sorry."

He pulled me closer; I could feel him shaking as his soft cries intensified. "A-Alphonse… Oh, Al… Al, I've m-missed you so much."

It felt so good to hear him say my name. He ran his hand through my hair. How could I forget my big brother? He was sobbing now. It was my fault. How much pain must I have caused him when I forgot. How could I forget?

"I'm sorry, Brother," I whimpered. I clung to him like a bur; I didn't ever want to let go. "I'm sorry. It's my fault."

He kept stroking my hair in comforting motions. His other hand gripped my shirt in the center of my back, as though he was afraid to let me go. As though if he did, I'd forget him again. That… Never again. I'd caused him so much pain…

"No, Al, knock it off. It's not. It's not. I've missed you so much. I love you, little brother."

Brother had never been one for expressing emotion. Especially not affection. I knew he'd been hurt, but I hadn't known it would be this bad. "Oh, Brother… I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault, Alphonse. It was Truth." He spat out his name as though he'd been burned. And, figuratively, he had been. More than once. "I… We've got a lot to talk about… But, later. Later. I'm just… glad you remember."

I felt more tears drip down my face. "Me too. I'm never going to forget again. I love you too, Brother."

I don't remember how long we sat there on the bed, holding each other as we both cried. Out of anguish and of joy. It had been long overdue. It'd nearly been two weeks since I'd had my body back, and this was the first time I'd felt my brother in my arms. The first time I'd been with him and known _who he was._

And I never intended to let go.


End file.
